Here’s what those recipe writers don’t tell you:
- that even though you’ve worked a bean-soaking into your busy afternoon, those three batches of organic [read: dirty] kale will take a good twenty minutes to rinse clean and strip from their ribs;
- that you’ll turn on the smaller oven in order to reheat the farmhouse loaf, only to find the loaf is too tall, requiring you to heat up the larger oven after all;
- that the smashed red potatoes will require a sum of three pans — one for boiling, one for frying, and one bakesheet for holding the first batch warm in the smaller oven until the stuck-in-traffic husband arrives home (good thing you erroneously warmed the smaller oven in the first place).
They certainly don’t tell you that, by the time dinner’s finally ready (a good 45 minutes after your intended time), you will have dirtied the following:
- 2 saucepans (1 medium, 1 large)
- 1 stock pot
- 1 extra-large frying pan (used twice: once for the kale, second for the potatoes)
- 2 bakesheets (one for holding the kale while the potatoes cook; the other for holding the first batch of potatoes while the second batch cooks)
- 1 small Cuisinart bowl & its blade (for pureeing the beans)
- the underside of a ramekin (for smashing the potatoes)
- 2 spatulas
- one cutting board
- one garlic press
- one bread knife
- one grater (for Romano with which to dust the potatoes)
- and an assembly of little bowls
And the last thing they don’t tell you: That by the time the husband arrives and you get around to sitting down to dinner (you have roughly 15 minutes to eat, mind you, since you have to leave shortly for a class) he will grace you with the irony of your 2-hour kale and Christmas lima bruschetta served with smashed Romano-dusted potatoes.
He will call it beans on toast.